Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Optimum Appreciation 2


The other day around three o'clock I sat in the public library trying to get some much needed work done, when at least twenty to thirty junior high school kids came yelling and screaming into the library. They were running around and knocking books off of the shelfs just to be funny. It was driving me insane! In the mist of of this craziness I noticed a little girl with long braids and cute little pink glasses in the corner reading a Baby sitters club book. Remember those? She was so into the book that she didn't even look up. Ever so often I would hear her giggle or sigh at whatever was taking place in the book. It was adorable! She was perfectly content until a group of girls walked over to her and started to harass her . They called her ugly, pulled her hair, then made fun of what she was wearing. ( which was cute to me, it looked kinda like a forever 21 sun dress it matched her little pink sunglasses) they told her she smelled, she was stupid, and nobody liked her! Then they pushed her out of her seat and made her move to another seat. I felt so bad for this little girl. I felt like I should go say something to her. I told myself to mind my business but then she started to cry, and the nurturer in me came out! I collected my things and went to sit at her table. Soon after the girls that were harassing her left. I was then able to talk to this little girl who's name was Linzze ( Hi Linzze!) She proceeded to tell me that ever since the boys in her class announced that she was the prettiest person in their class the girls in her class have been unbearably mean to her. No matter what she does, they just don't like her ! She even said that one day she ask one of the girls " why are you so mean to me?" The little girl responded " Cause you think your prettier then all of us and your not !! " Sound familiar ? Ladies in our subculture, its apparent that we have a problem with hating. It starts from a very young age and goes on for the rest of our life's. Have you seen or heard a man say that he doesn't like another man because he can play ball better then him? In most cases men respect a man who is more talented. Why cant we be like that? I use to think that my sole purpose on this earth was to mold and develop the minds of the youth and help them achieve their academic goals. However, I now know that teaching is in my spirit and its my life goal to teach women young and old to love them selfs. I would love for women to have the type of comradery that men have. I plan on changing that as much as I can. Lets all start by learning how to appreciate our selfs. Learning how to love our down falls and our positives aspects is where it starts then we can surely appreciate the good in other women without putting them down. Don't know what your positive assets are? Ask someone! A good person to ask is always a family member. Family can often be brutally honest. But you get what you are looking for. Linzze now checks my blog everyday to keep her loving herself and in good spirits. She also checks the Steve Madden website every day for new shoe arrives! A girl after my own heart ! Linzze promised me that she would try her hardest to ignore those silly girls and that she would be on the look out for her self inspired beauty. You should to!
(The first installment of this serious was on 5/14/09. If you missed it go check it out)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Optimum Shoes!!




My shoe purchase for the week. They are ubber comfortable and sooooo cute! Love them! Jessica Simpson's has cute affordable shoes. ( GO to Marshalls)

Optimum Beauty


Hey S.I.B's ! I hope everyones week has been great! The summer is here and its time for sun dresses, shorts,tank tops and sandals. I love the summer because this time of year is when some of my most flirty outfits come out to play! With all this skin we ladies have showing in the summer, the perfect accessory is beautiful skin. I take so much pride in my skin and I have been loving the results! It all started in September when I realized that my skin wasn't looking as good as it did in the start of the summer of 08'. So I went on the look out for the perfect facial scrub. I tried so many drug store brands and they helped me but they didn't give me my desired look. As a result, I went to sephora to see what they had. To my surprise they had everything! However, everything cost 30 dollars and above!.....Did I want to buy face scrub or eat?...Ok that might be a little dramatic but Omg!!! I guess you have to pay for beauty right?. Wrong! I tried to buy it but I just couldn't. Early that day I saw a pair of ruby red swede pumps on sale for forty dollars! I soooo needed them. So I decided to skip the scrub, buy the shoes, and make my own facial scrub! I did my research and made a scrub at home . The scrub I concocted made my skin so soft and smooth and even looking!!! I call it my shoe facial scrub, because if I keep making my own beauty products I can buy more shoes!!!! Yes people I'm obsessed! Anyway, I will give you the recipe at the bottom of this post so that we all can have beautiful skin!!! Try it! It worked for me! Until next time always be on the look out for self inspired beauty.


Shoe Facial Scrub

half cup brown sugar ( To exfoliate )
forth cup extra virgin olive oil ( to moisturise )
two tablespoons of lemon juice (to fight off acne)
one tablespoon of coconut oil (for softer skin)

* these are the main ingredients I have added a few more ingredients to mine that are good for my skin. But do your own research and see whats good for your skin.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Optimum Knowledge ( I am not my hair) Part 2


On the train yesterday I saw the most beautiful women. She wasn't quite dressed in something I would wear but, somehow it added to her beauty. She was a very chocolate sista with dark brown almost black eyes! She also had the most amazing afro I ever seen. It was huge!! Her hair was jet black and her afro was on her shoulders!! I was in amazement. She was sporting this beautiful brown and yellow maxi dress with gold sandals.She had a brass statement necklace with a brass cuff bracelet on her arm. She looked very earthy and she was amazing!!! So of course I complemented her and told her how stunning she was. ( any other self inspired beauty would have done the same, because we are not threatened by other womens beauty) She graciously thanked me and we went on talking about how long she had been growing her hair and the fact that she made her own dress!! Once she got off the train, the African American man next to me said, and I quote " Why did you lie to that girl? You and I both know she could have used a perm!" I had to stop, regroup, and get myself together because I didn't want to be rude. That same man and two other ladies sitting next to me then proceeded to tell me how beautiful I was because I have a perm and my skin was lighter then hers. WHAT!?!?! You can safely assume that I was outraged! Let me assure you that this womens afro would outshine my little permed hair any day! The question is, why would this man and two ladies feel that I was more beautiful because of my perm and brown skin? What where their standards of beauty? Why do people of color deal with the white slandered of beauty that has become main stream for all other cultures? I find it interesting that when I walk into my local beauty supply store I find products that are meant to bleach your skin. Products such as Fair and White and Light Bright. The other day I was watching my favorite Asian women on youtube do a video about how she brought all of these products to lighten her skin! Correct me if I'm wrong but, aren't Asian people already pretty darn light?! How women of color define their beauty has been based on white culture.We all know this by now. The question is how do we stop it? How can I get Asian women to love their eyes and their skin. How do I get black women to love their skin and their hair? And how do I get Indian women to love their skin and dark brown eyes? I don't have all the answers however, I am certain of one thing. The best route in defining and embracing the beauty God gave you is simply this.......always be on a constant look out for your self inspired beauty!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Optimum Power ( Its a harsh truth)


I know I just did a installment of optimum power last week but IF ONE MORE WOMEN SAYS " BUT I LOVE HIM ! " I think I'm going to force my self to take a bottle of sleeping pills!!! I was listening to the Michael Baisden show this week while driving home. One of the topics this week on his show was why women marry men even if the man has cheated on them before. When I heard the topic I instantly thought that women were going to call in to the show and be outraged ! I thought women would defend womanhood by explaining that it was a very small portion of women who had low enough self esteem to still stay with or marry a man who has cheated on her and has taken all her self respect. To my surprise every women ( with the exception of one) called in to say that they rather be with a cheating man then be alone!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this absolutely ridiculous to anyone else besides me?! I thought we as women all subscribed to the thought that " I can do bad by myself". But once again my fellow women have surprised me. Was I naive in thinking this? What is it that causes a women to not only stay with a man but marry a man after several cases of infidelity on the mans part? Is it enough that he has apologized ? Is it enough that he knows he was wrong now he wants to marry you? NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Part of being a S.I.B is realizing when your being duped! What makes you think that he wont cheat on you again? Think to yourself , why does he want to marry me? If he cheats on me or has inappropriate relationships with other women does he love me or even respect me? Can I be with or marry a man like that? Is having a husband worth loosing my power? I recently got a degree in counseling and this topic very often entered the curriculum. As a result, I was able to do some research on this matter.I found out that women who give up their power, most of the time lack the level of self esteem it takes to find and keep their power. Do you know that men know that once they have found a women with low self esteem that they have free reign to do whatever they want? Don't believe me? I have polled 50 men about their feelings about women with low self esteem and the results are staggering!!!( I have attached the result of this poll below) This is part of the reason I started this blog. I want women to be able to find there inner S.I.B ( self inspired beauty) so that they can realize their power in their world. I don't know how many times that I can say this but, we have soooooo much power that we dont utilize. Being a S.I.B starts with realizing your inner power. What are your opinions on this topic? Please take time to read the results of the poll below . You will be astonished. Keep a look out for the next installment of Optimum power titled " Do you keep dealing with no good men ? Maybe the problem is you." Until next time! You know how we get down, so always be on the look out for your S.I.B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok ladies here is the poll I promised you. (Please note that this is not man bashing. I am not a man basher because there are great men out there who don't cheat or have inappropriate relationships with other women. THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT THERE!! )The men range from the age of 18 to 35. They are all different races and come from different backgrounds. Read through the questions I asked men , but clutch your pearls ladies the answers will surprise you.

Is a women with low self esteem a great find because you know you can get away with anything you want ?
48 said yes 2 said no

Is a women with low self esteem your ideal women?
50 said no

Do men do what they can get away with ?
47 said yes 3 said no

Is a confident women with high self esteem and a strong sense of confidence a turn on?
50 said yes

Is a women who has low self esteem , who does whatever you want and keeps coming back to you despite anything a turn on?
50 said no

Can you spot a women with low self esteem?
46 said yes 4 said no

On a scale of 1 to 3( three being the best) how much of a turn on is it to find a women who knows her power and is in touch with their inner S,I.B ?
49 said 3 and 1 man said 2

Friday, June 5, 2009

Optimum Shopping!!!!!!!!!!! ( or wishing)




Summer is coming and Im super stoked about wearing sun dresses!!! I love , love. LOVE these two dresses! They are a very inexpensive version of a Betsy Johnson dress and a Diane Von Furstenburg dress I came across while pursing the internet. The shoes are Jessica Simpson and are in my price range........someone tell me I don't need them and I need to save my money!!!! I have a internal battle with myself about these shoes because I have a similar pair but the are pointy toes......it is totally different right?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Optimum Power ( what contributes to a good relationship)


(I wrote the first installment of this series on May 7, 2009 .Go check it out if you haven't read it yet its titled "optimum power". It gives great insight to what this series will deal with.)


Coming from a family of divorced parents , I was very careful in selecting a man. I was strategic in plotting out my plans to make sure that I wouldn't get hurt and that I would find a man who loves and cherishes me. I was in desperate need of whatever the opposite was that my parents had. Since I have been eighteen I have been on the look out for what where the signs of a good relationship. During my quest to find what makes up a good relationship ,I observed older couples and couples that have been together and have had a successful relationship. I have also payed close attention to those relationships that failed, who had constant auguring, and constant issues. My observation lead me to several thoughts . I realized that in every single relationship that I admired the couple were best friends. I don't mean they just say that they are BFF's but they are honestly best friends. They laugh with each other, they have inside jokes, they can tell each other everything, and they can hang out with each other all day. They are who they are with or without their partner. You can easily spot these couples . If they are in a group of people, they are usually close to each other having their own inside jokes. They are the couple who often make eye contact across the room and can know what the other is thinking. Think of your best friend. What are things you share with them? Those are the same things that you should share with your partner! Most of the couples that I admire where friends first and have been together for many many years! ( shout out to Cherie and Keith and Jason and Celita) I have been with my husband for nine and a half years and we have been married for almost two years. When people ask " aren't you sick of each other yet? We kindly answer " You cant get sick of your best friend,sometimes they are all you got !" We can hang out all day and have a blast!!!!!!! He is truly my best friend. Before we got married everyone wanted to give us advice. The one thing that everyone said was that what makes up a a great long lasting relationship is friendship. Now this is not to say that best friends don't occasionally disagree. But a BFF can say what they have to say and move on. You ever wonder about those couples you break up to make up over and over again? Are they asking for a slow death!!! Do you stop being a BFF"S with your friend when you disagree ? Of course you don't! You each say your thoughts and you work it out and move on. Believe me having a best friend and a lover in one person is heaven!!!!!! ( love you babe). What do you think ? How important is friendship to a relationship? Is your mate your bff ? Stay tuned for the next installment of optimum power. In the mean time you know what to do.........be on the look out for your S.I.B!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Optimum Hair


Hello S.I.B's !!!!! ( Self inspired Beauty's)I just wanted to quickly share with you a website that I frequent. Through this website I have learned so much about African American hair and how to take care of it. With the advice from this website I have grown my hair from shoulder length to APL ( Arm pit length) Since November. These women are so serious about African American haircare and I am sure a lot of us can benefit from the knowledge they post on the website. There is advice for natural hair, relaxed hair , dreads, and braids!!! There is a lot we don't know about our hair as black women. We feel that the only way to achieve long hair is if we have dreads.This is not true! The majority of these women have hair much longer then mine and have achieved their length in a year!!! Take some time and examine the website and the pictures people post. They are amazing. The creater of the website has waist length hair and is still growing her hair out!!! The website is http://keepitsimplesista.ning.com/ Have fun learning about your hair. Remember to always be on the lookout for your S.I.B!!!!!

Optimum Maintenance


Being a women oftentimes means we have so much on our plate. We often take the lead role in many situations. If you are a stay at home mother or a single lady in the city, finding time to take care of yourself is oftentimes hard to do. It is because of this that I have scheduled appointments with myself to perform routine maintenance to keep myself looking and feeling good.It is my experience that when I look good I feel good, so the maintenance schedule I have made up for my self is very important to me.My schedule is as follows : Monday,Wednesday,and Friday are the days I take care of myself. On Mondays I co-wash and deep condition my hair . I do this a hour before my show so that while watching television my hair has time to air dry( I don't use heat on my hair more then once a month) . Wednesday is when I do my manicure.I soak my nails ,push back the cuticle, massage the cuticle with my cuticle cream, then I paint my nails with a nail strengthener. Sometimes I paint my nails a certain color but if I'm tired that wont happen. Friday is the day that I really take my time and cover all basis. On Friday I wash my hair, deep condition my hair, touch up my manicure, give myself a facial , shave, and give myself a body scrub. Off course there are things I do daily to keep up appearance. Working out,skin care ,makeup, drink plenty of water etc.. What is it that you do to keep yourself looking good and feeling amazing? Maintenance is a vital part in my self inspired beauty, is it for you?